


A Place to Crash

by monimala



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gap Filler, Gen or Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 07:36:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11550534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monimala/pseuds/monimala
Summary: She hasn't been Cassie for years, but she's still learning what to do in her own skin. Still uncomfortable and awkward and — this is a laugh — shy.





	A Place to Crash

Mariah's never thought of herself as anything but straight. Words like "gay" and "lesbian" and "bi" weren't even in her lexicon growing up. Kind of par for the course when you're raised in a cult and (unbeknownst to you) groomed to be the cult leader's wife. Patriarchy plus misogyny with a heavy dose of slut-shaming. She didn't even really get good at masturbating until she came to Genoa City. And that's a whole other level of fucked up, because she was basically in Cassie's body at the time and not her own. Stroking Cassie's labia while being simultaneously horrified and aroused by pay-cable porn. Knuckling Cassie's clit as she imagined Nick Newman's big hand fisting her hair and pulling. _I'm sorry_ , she tells her twin's ghost sometimes. _I'm sorry I got off to your dad_. It's something she hopes Nick — or, god forbid, Sharon — never, ever sees in her eyes. 

Tyler was the first orgasm she ever had with someone else. The first, the second and the third. And after that it just made sense to settle in. She liked guys, obviously. Enough to live with one and get engaged. Enough to get drunk and screw Tyler's boss — maybe not her wisest decision, but, hey, _cult._ Sure, Kevin was a disaster, but that's because they're better off as friends. Then Devon kind of proved that her strike-out with Kevin was a fluke — and it's not exactly a huge sacrifice to be with a gorgeous billionaire. She's no martyr for throwing herself on that hunky sword. Even if she does undress with the lights off and always slips into one of his shirts after they make love. She hasn't been Cassie for years, but she's still learning what to do in her own skin. Still uncomfortable and awkward and — this is a laugh — shy. 

Until Tessa. Because it's _easy_ with Tessa. There's nothing awkward about curling up with her on the couch and mainlining terrible Christmas-in-July movies on Netflix. There's nothing uncomfortable about hugging her hello and goodbye. There's no shyness either. They've talked about everything and anything. Mariah's poured out every single insecurity about Devon and his feelings for Hilary. She's confessed — thanks to some snow globe movie with Christina Milian — that she'd sleep with Rihanna, marry Beyoncé and kill any male pop star given the option. And Tessa's listened with no judgment.    

God, it is so refreshing to be accepted without judgment. Mariah doesn't know if that makes her bisexual or a lesbian, but it does make her happy.  

So she leans in when Tessa strokes her neck. She watches Tessa's eyes and shivers when she realizes they're focused on her mouth. She wants the kiss that should follow. She wants even more than that.

She deserves more.

Her whole life she's been a placeholder for somebody else. Not now. Not with Tessa. She may have been a stand-in for her dead sister once, but there's no way she's a replacement for her brother. Because Tessa's smiles with Noah are awkward. Their dates are uncomfortable. She's shy when he slings his arm around her at the Underground. It's so obvious now that Mariah knows what Tessa looks like when her guard is actually down — soft-eyed, gentle, warm. If she's found something easy and fun with Tessa, the reverse is also true. She, Mariah Copeland, world-renowned cynical bitch, is a safe harbor, too.

There are a dozen more sweet hugs and patient touches before anything really happens between them. But it's her own clit she knuckles when she imagines Tessa playing with her hair. It's her own body, her own sexuality, her own needs, that she claims. She doesn't bother trying to label it. She just accepts that she's finally come home.         

 

 

-end-


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